Love is both the most used and misused word. It is the most used because it is the deepest need of the human heart. Yet it is misused because it is often confused with another four-letter word - lust. In order to truly love and not lust it is critical to understand the differences between the two. Here are some…
Self-Seeking vs Self-Giving:
Lust is self-seeking. It asks, “What can I get out of this relationship?” - the focus is on selfish desires to be satisfied. On the other hand, true love’s focus is on the other person. It desires the best for the other person; it isn’t self-seeking but self-giving.
External vs Internal:
Lust only goes after external appearance. Think about the movies and songs in popular culture - everything is about the outward appearance. When beauty and charm fade away, lust runs after the next best thing. True love looks beyond surface-level beauty to the beauty of inner character.
Impatient vs Patient:
Lust does not wait! Lust wants what it wants, and it wants right now! It takes short-cuts. For example, sex is a beautiful gift reserved for marriage, but lust wants to enjoy it before marriage. However, love is very different - it is patient and waits for the right time.
Temporary vs Permanent:
Lust changes people as one changes clothes. As soon as lust gets what it wants, it looks for something more elsewhere. Lust is not committed and lingers only until it is fed. But love is committed and is not conditional; it endures for a lifetime.
Impure vs Pure:
A relationship that is characterised by lust can easily be identified - the thoughts, conversations, chats/texts and actions are all unholy and sexual in their content. As a consequence, people involved in such relationships often struggle with fear, guilt, shame, insecurity, etc. A genuine love relationship, on the other hand, is committed to purity. And because of this it experiences peace, joy and has nothing to hide.
After reading the differences, if you think the relationship you are in looks more like a lustful-relationship rather than one that is characterised by true love: repent of your sin of lust before God and receive His forgiveness which is available through the substitutionary death of Jesus on the cross. You should also probably reach out to a godly mentor who can walk with you and provide guidance.
Positively, if you want to truly love, you need to know love and the Bible says God is love. To know this God who is Holy yet self-giving and long-suffering is to know what love is. Those who are truly born of Him by trusting in Jesus can love like He loves. And the more you let him work in you, the more He will transform you to be a ‘loving’ person by His Spirit.
By Vineeth Kumar